Part A of Saturday Adventures Part 2

Have you ever had a feeling that someone is watching you, just to turn around and find out it’s HIM! And then you would do anything just to not know, what you now know, which is that HE (tall cute cowboy guy in this case) is watching you!   You were acting totally normal until you saw him watching you act normal, now you’re nervous.  Oh my god, how does my hair look, I need more lip gloss, is my fly open. Check fly, no don’t check fly that will look gay. Um, oh my god do something you look like a complete idiot just standing here thinking about how you look standing here and what you should do now that he is watching you just standing here. Oh my gosh I am sweating, I am totally nervous, do I look nervous, Self, get it together don’t look nervous, look normal, what does normal look like? my head is all foggy, my stomach feels weird! Maybe I should turn around and say Hello!

NO! Then he will know for sure that I have been thinking about him looking at me standing here while I have just been standing here not moving for the last however long.


Ok well maybe you haven’t felt like that since Jr. High. I might be the only one with fine lines that still has those kind of thoughts and feelings going on inside their body on a regular basis. Doesn’t it seem like I should have become more mature and sophisticated then a 13 year old, now that I am a mother of a 16 year old???



10:15:20 – DJ BOB Announces Crazy Fast Aerobic Line Dance I don’t know the name of

10:15:21 – I don’t know if I remember how to do crazy fast aerobic line dance I don’t know the name of.

10:15:24 - Having fun a little rusty but think I might pick it up by the next 8 count, I hope!

10:15:30 – Oh crap, I have to pee! I knew I should have gone to the bathroom like an hour ago before I was in the middle of the dance floor doing crazy fast aerobic line dance I don’t know the name of, with an audience of one very tall male whom I think is very cute. Excuse me bladder why do you think right NOW is a great time to kick in the elimination of waste instinct? Did you happen to notice that I just might be in the middle of something right now?

10:15:37– This is a pretty crazy fast aerobic line dance for someone who really has to pee!

10:15:42 – Is this song still going? How much longer???

10:16:01 - I hope the pee stays in it’s home!!

10:16:08 -Tall guy is totally staring at me! He he! He is probably admiring my amazing dance ability! Oh my gosh, I just lost my focus, where are you guys, oh your behind me. Ok. Since when has there been a quarter turn to the right there? Where are you guys? Oh crap. I don’t know what I’m doing! Yeah, he is pretty much dazed and mystified at my incredible skills by now!

10:16:18 Why did I drink so much water???

10:16:22 This song is so frickin long- oh my gosh where am I? Why are they all facing the other way now?

10:16:49 – So I have an idea! Let’s do a science experiment! How long will a liquefied substance stay inside of a container with a small opening if the container is jumping up and down, spinning and kicking to the beat of a very fast country song??

10:16:58 –THIS IS THE WORLDS LONGEST SONG!

10:17:01 Ok, Options:

1. Run off dance floor towards bathroom clutching my jeans screaming I’ve got to go, I’ve got to go.


2. Cross legs and do the weird looking cross legged spider walk around the dancers while whispering, “Sorry I really have to go, Sorry too much water, I really have to go. Excuse me Sorry, Sorry Excuse me”


3. Keep doing crazy fast aerobic line dance I don’t remember the name of and risk having a very embarrassing moment before the dance is over . Why did I choose to be in the front and the middle??



10:17:08 Dear Jesus, I’m sorry for speeding on the freeway on the way here today. I promise I will never speed again if you please make the pee stay in!

10:17:13 – Too Late! Holy Crap! Note to Self: pushing Watermelon size object out of your grape size opening will increase the probability liquefied substance leakage. Especially while engaging in high impact aerobic activity!

10:17:34 – Oh my goodness what a freakin nightmare! I hope tall guy isn’t watching me anymore. Maybe I got lucky and he is playing pool or something. NOPE! Still watching. I wonder if he is wondering why it looks like I peed my pants. Umm. because I did!

10:17:45 – Good thing I just finished studying, “How to Make Someone Fall in Love with You in 90 Minutes.” I’m practically Aphradite out here!

10:17:58 – Finally Song is over, I am out of here!

Okay. So, I’m just going to stay in this bathroom for the rest of my life!



Lady that looks like she is 32, is actually more like 48 that has been coming here since the beginning of time, that probably thinks I’m a snob because I have never said one word to her in my life. I have an idea, How about I ask her if it looks like I peed my pants.


"It’s Cindy right? Hi. I’m Mollie! Nice to meet you! So, I need to ask you something, and I need you to be totally honest with me. That dance I was just doing you know the really crazy fast aerobic one? Well, see I have been trying to stay more hydrated, so I drank a lot of water before I came here and um, yeah I just peed my pants while I was doing that dance just then? Can you tell? Please tell me the truth? If I go out there is everyone going to be asking what that large crescent shaped wet spot is on my jeans?"


"No, Hello, I’ve had 5 kids, that happens to me all the time! You can’t even tell."


Phew. I think that makes me feel better. Kind of????


Ok, random brunette girl from stall #2 – “excuse me, hi my name is Mollie and I am very sorry to bother you but, I just did a crazy fast aerobic line dance after drinking A LOT of water and not emptying my bladder for a couple of hours and well, I’m not in my twenties anymore like you look like you probably are. So, anyways, can you tell? Please tell me the truth."

Snickering probably thinking what a strange old lady. "No, you can’t tell."

"Are you sure check the back too? Can you? Really are you sure?"

"Yeah, really!"

"You can’t tell! Oh good! Thank you so much for your time."


Chick #1 applying another layer of lipstick in mirror: "Oh my god can you even believe her she was like all over my second oldest’s baby’s daddy! Whatever! Who does she think she is anyway?"

Chick #2 – friend of Chick #1 re-adjusting micro mini skirt, "I know right! Can you even believe her, she is so nasty! why does he like her anyways did you see how big her butt is? she is so…….." "HI! Excuse me, sorry to interrupt. My name is Mollie. Nice to meet you. You see I have been drinking A LOT of water and, etc. etc…………, so can you tell that I peed my pants? Are you sure, even from the back? Really? Ok, thank you so much!"